After Gariens rough start things smoothed out. I was happy he was happy and life went on. Garien didn’t meet all his milestones on time but that was to be expected given that he was preemie so the doctors weren’t that concerned, everything else seemed normal. His first word was delayed to nearly 9 months he said “Ma” I can’t even begin to tell you how that made me feel. After everything I went through to make sure he was happy and healthy and he knew who I was!!
His speech didn’t progress a great deal, never anything more then 2 syllables and very simple. He crawled late, we walked late. But once he took to something it was like he’d been doing it is whole life. I knew that my baby was going to be just fine. His teeth even cut late. But once that first one came through he practically had a mouthful of teeth within the week.
And then something happened. I put Garien in daycare while I got a job outside the home. The daycare worker came to me and started asking me questions. Like does he always walk on his tip toes? Why doesn’t he look anyone in the eye? Did you notice that Garien gets upset when he hears certain noises or lights? She recommended I get him in early to his doctor (his 2 year check up wasn’t for three more months) and then also gave him some info the public school offers for early intervention.
After that conversation I called the doctor and got him in as soon as possible. We talked about his behavior and how lately he didn’t want to be held anymore. How he stopped trying to talk almost completely how he’d stand and spin for mins on end but never smile. We did a few basic preliminary tests which he failed miserably. And this was when his doctor said the A word. The doctor said that Garien was showing symptoms of autism. And she recommended sending him to a development pediatrician.
Now this is where I feel that I failed my son.
I didn’t take him to that appointment. After listening to the doctor I remembered all the “special education kids” I knew growing up and I knew that my son was just fine there wasn’t anything wrong. But I wasn’t right, I was afraid. Afraid of what other children would say about him, how people would treat him differently. I knew in my heart that my son was going to be an amazing human being and I didn’t want him to have to live with the stigma of that diagnosis. I was stupid.
Garien's Momma 